Commentary: Streaking
The tradition of students streaking in Xavier College should not be banned as not all pranks created on the day which led to physical damage or harm were caused by streaking.
Although one of the complains was that students had left off fireworks at a railway station, streaking is not directly related to this. streaking involves running naked or partially naked through the school campus. however, in this instance, the pranksters could have set off fireworks on any other day at the railway station too. Hence, this argument against streaking does not quite make sense as there is little relation. Should such an argument stand, then it could be said that school should be banned as there is little family time left with the busy schedules Singaporean students have.
However, indeed, students running naked through school assembly wearing only their school ties as G-strings is unacceptable. This shows disrespect for the school and for other members of the school such as those not from the graduating batch as well as the teachers. It will also disrupt the normal schedule of school. They also lack respect for other religions as although it is a Catholic school, there may be other religions such as Islam which is a rather conservative religion. They are also attracting unnecessary attention as revealing too much of themselves could attract wrong attention such as sick minded people, who may take revealing photos or/and videos of them and spread them through mass media such as through the Internet. Despite that, it is a form of celebration and should pupils object to it, they could find ways to skip it such as staying in their classrooms. Streaking could also be a form of stress relief as it marks the end of their studies in the university and no one would mind them streaking but instead join in as they would be extremely excited by the fact that all the late nights that they had to put in just to study and the great amounts of time spent on project work would finally be over. This also is not a form of prank as the tradition has been around for many years and members of the school population will probably already be mentally prepared to experience the tradition of students streaking.
In conclusion, as there was no physical harm or damage caused by streaking but only a possibility of emotional harm, streaking should not be banned in Xavier College.
The tradition of students streaking in Xavier College should not be banned as not all pranks created on the day which led to physical damage or harm were caused by streaking.
Although one of the complains was that students had left off fireworks at a railway station, streaking is not directly related to this. streaking involves running naked or partially naked through the school campus. however, in this instance, the pranksters could have set off fireworks on any other day at the railway station too. Hence, this argument against streaking does not quite make sense as there is little relation. Should such an argument stand, then it could be said that school should be banned as there is little family time left with the busy schedules Singaporean students have.
However, indeed, students running naked through school assembly wearing only their school ties as G-strings is unacceptable. This shows disrespect for the school and for other members of the school such as those not from the graduating batch as well as the teachers. It will also disrupt the normal schedule of school. They also lack respect for other religions as although it is a Catholic school, there may be other religions such as Islam which is a rather conservative religion. They are also attracting unnecessary attention as revealing too much of themselves could attract wrong attention such as sick minded people, who may take revealing photos or/and videos of them and spread them through mass media such as through the Internet. Despite that, it is a form of celebration and should pupils object to it, they could find ways to skip it such as staying in their classrooms. Streaking could also be a form of stress relief as it marks the end of their studies in the university and no one would mind them streaking but instead join in as they would be extremely excited by the fact that all the late nights that they had to put in just to study and the great amounts of time spent on project work would finally be over. This also is not a form of prank as the tradition has been around for many years and members of the school population will probably already be mentally prepared to experience the tradition of students streaking.
In conclusion, as there was no physical harm or damage caused by streaking but only a possibility of emotional harm, streaking should not be banned in Xavier College.

5 Comments:
The commentary needs to be longer, about 300-500 words in length. Please have it ready by the next lesson (Monday). It will be used in class.
Also, it's great to see your draft process, but I'll need you to hide the draft (either edit it and then 'save now', or delete it) by the time we get to class this Monday.
Thesis statement: Streaking should not be banned
Could you make the topic statements mor explicit, stated right at the beginning of every paragraph. You also need evidence.
This comment has been removed by the author.
quite interesting, but you might not want to use examples as topic sentences, for example "However, indeed, students running naked.." Maybe something more general like streaking during school hours is unacceptable.. or something.
E:4
C:3
V:4
O:3
L:8
Total: 22/30... 3.6 (:
E:4
C:3
V:3
O:3
L:7
Total: 20/30
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